ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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