butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
