it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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