At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
