just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
