I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
