The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
