So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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