she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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