Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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