i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
