We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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