I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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