FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
