My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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