i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
