New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
