toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize