I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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