Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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