There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
