carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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