When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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