when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
