peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
