She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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