Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
