Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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