On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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