Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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