i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
