How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
