I CAN MOONWALK!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
