I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
