Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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