I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
