I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
