somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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