I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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