I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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