I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
