when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
