just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
