Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
