i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
