shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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