Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
