I wish I could teleport
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just threw up on my dentist
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
