I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
