i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
