I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
