It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is my gift to your gina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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