Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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