kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
