There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hippo gnu deer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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