Who wears a wallet chain?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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