her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
