Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
