and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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