Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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