You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
