Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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