tell your sister to shave her snatch
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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