Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
