Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
