so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
