I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
