We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize