I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
