Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
