Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
